A little seed that grows.

Think small. Planting tiny seeds in the small space given you
can change the whole world or, at the very least, your view of it.
- Linus Mundy

I copied this quote from a gardening website that I like to peruse. I like this quote and web-site a lot. But I wasn't thinking about gardens when I read it. I was thinking about a movie I watched last night instead.

In the movie "Inception," which is an action packed thriller about the act of stealing one's thoughts during dreams and the planting of an idea into a target's subconscious, was not the best movie I had ever seen. As a matter of fact, I thought the movie stunk.

But today, as I was going along doing my work, I kept thinking about that movie. Its premise. And about how we all are victims of inception, each and every one of us.

The definition of inception is this; an event that is a beginning; a first part or stage of subsequent events.

We all have had seeds of something planted into our minds at some point in our lives. Many times those seeds die out; a word tossed here and there that may have hurt, but never grew.

But many did not die out. Or maybe just one grew. Perhaps even a good one. But many of us have suffered from one small bad seed our entire lives. And it changes our reality, how we see ourselves, our world and our place in it.

Scary stuff. But in fact, true.

We like to think we are the creators of our own destiny. But the sad truth is that many of us suffer. And it may have all started with that one small seed.

I wish I had not seen that movie. I worry now what seeds will grow in my own daughter. We cast a lot of seeds to the wind, never really knowing which one might stick, which one might grow.

I read a story once about a girl who, when she was naughty, was punished by having her dad make a pretend phone call to a little girl named Diana. He told Diana what a wonderful girl she was and how he was going to buy her all sorts of presents because she was so good. He only did this a few times, mainly as a joke. He and his wife laughed about it. It was a long forgotten memory. An attempt to get a child to display good behavior that many young parents make.

When the little girl grew up, she thought she had forgotten about Diana. She never thought about it. She struggled with self worth, but was in therapy and on medication that seemingly helped. She was close to her dad and they spent many wonderful, happy years together. He was always loving and supportive of her. Overall, she loved her childhood and had many happy memories.

It wasn't until she had children of her own and watched as her dad was playing with them in her family room that it hit her. Suddenly, her heart steeled as she watched. And then a memory whispered, "Don't forget Diana."

We may never know what seeds we plant or when the seed was planted in our own selves. And we could spend a lifetime trying to figure it all out and never arrive at any true understanding.

I know I don't have any answers, that is for sure. But the movie, as much as I hated it, planted a seed in my mind that I hope will stay. That words and actions are powerful. That they can truly change lives. As innocent and well intentioned as they may be.

So, I guess my goal will be to plant as many good seeds as I can as often as possible and nourish them to help them to grow. Hopefully, they will choke out the weeds that I will also inevitably plant as well.

I will end this post with a little gardening tip from a book for kids about growing healthy plants:

Seeds are the basis of all plants. That's how they come into this world. Without seeds, there would be no plants.

The basic things a seed needs are light, food and water.

Water is essential to all living creatures.

When the area their roots are in becomes dry, some plants will grow roots out to find a new source of water.

A seed has all the things that the growing plant needs. It has a covering, a protective outer layer that helps keep it from damage, and a good supply of food for the newly sprouted plant.

A seed is a little package of survival.


My green thumb came only as a result of the mistakes I made while learning to see things from the plant's point of view. ~H. Fred Dale

Respect Yourself.

Definition of Respect:

To take notice of; to regard with special attention; to regard as worthy of special consideration; hence, to care for; to heed.

To consider worthy of esteem; to regard with honor.

How many of you have respected yourself today? Have regarded yourself as worthy this week? Have honored yourself in anyway lately? How about yesterday. Or last month.

Probably not. But you should.

Perhaps we are waiting for someone to respect us first. Or to compliment us or to even just take notice of us. But we are then putting the power of respect for ourselves in the hands of others.

That seems to always be a mistake. Yet we do it time and time again and are always disappointed.

People are always disrespecting themselves for one reason or another. And when a compliment does come their way, they feel as though they don't deserve it somehow. Or that the person complimenting them is just being nice or polite; that they don't really mean it at all. But we should not wait for others to validate us. We should use our own power of self respect instead.

Don't think you have power? Don't think that respect is powerful?

How about the power of a smile. If someone looks you in the eye and smiles at you, how does that make you feel? How about when they grumble at you or are rude? How does that make you feel? Those people, they have power.

But so do you.

And that is just another reason to respect yourself. You are powerful. You can make or break someone's day. You probably do it a lot without even noticing your power.

Treating others with respect is important, but be especially respectful with how you treat yourself and your body, the inside of your body. The part that allows you to live. We are always so caught up with our outside appearance, never minding the inside. But the inside is what really counts.

We feel we may be too fat, too simple looking, too tired looking, too old looking, not pretty or handsome enough. And when we feel that way about what we see in the mirror, than sometimes we disrespect the inside of ourselves. We do it in a myriad of ways. Maybe by eating or drinking things we shouldn't. Maybe by not resting enough, or resting too much. Maybe by not getting to that mammogram appointment or to that dentist appointment. Maybe by not doing something nice for ourselves. Or perhaps even by being mean to others. And that can affect the inside more than we think.

After all, if we can't respect ourselves, that leaves little hope that we can truly respect others. When the well is empty, it is empty. So others cannot drink if we can't.

And it all stems from respect. Respect for self.

So practice respecting yourself. Even if you are not perfect, because you are not. None of us are. Respect your body by listening to it, by nourishing it with what it needs, not with what your brain wants.

And respect your power. Use it for good today. Go out of your way to smile more. Be happy. You should respect yourself enough to allow yourself to feel happy. Happiness is contagious.

We have told ourselves and others a million times that if we had just one wish for our kids, or for the people that we love, we wish for them to be happy. To live happy lives. But no one can be happy if they do not respect themselves. It just simply cannot happen.

So, forget about that extra 10 pounds you need to lose, or the creepy boss who scowls at you, or the new wrinkle you noticed yesterday. Respect the fact that you are not perfect, but pretty darn special anyway. Respect the fact that your body allows you to get up each day, walk, eat and drink, breath easily, see lovely things, read a book or that your arms are strong enough to hug those that you love.

Respect that wonderful body of yours.

Respect the fact that each day you are here, you make a difference.

Then, make one.

Happiness is inward, and not outward; and so, it does not depend on what we have, but on what we are. ~~~Henry Van Dyke

To free us from the expectations of others, to give us back to ourselves; there lies the great, singular power of self-respect. ~~~Joan Didion

Would that there were an award for people who come to understand the concept of enough. Good enough. Successful enough. Thin enough. Rich enough. Socially responsible enough. When you have self-respect, you have enough. ~~~Gail Sheehy

Go Outside.

Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better.
~Albert Einstein

By now we have all pretty much seen the devastation that occurred recently in Japan. Nature at its worst. Destructive. Deadly. Scary.

But nature is life. And many of us are seemingly removed from its beauty and awe.

And that is a shame.

I hate to date myself, but I spent pretty much most of my youth outside. I looked for and watched all sorts of things, even bugs; I actually watched ants carrying food into their anthill for hours. I sat in grass and searched for four leaf clovers. I clearly remember the smell of spring, the crispness of a fall day and ran outside with delight to catch the first snowflake on my tongue. I can remember playing in the rain on a summer day and splashing in puddles. Even as a teen.

And now? I don't do any of those things. Not really. And neither do many of us. Nor our kids.

Which is even sadder.

I am not sure what brought about this disconnect from nature. Maybe TV started it all. Or perhaps it was even further back, when clocks first started appearing. We used to tell our time from nature. From the sun and the moon, the stars, the seasons. We were in touch with the world and that was a good thing.

Once clocks became the way to tell time, we became prisoners to it. We ignore nature's call, and instead look to the ticking of an inanimate object to guide us. Why, we even change time so that we can have more daylight. Seems wrong somehow. Messing with nature like that.

Anyway, I guess the time change, the earthquake, the resulting tsunami and all that devastation got me thinking about all of this. About nature. And time. That and a blog I read about a guy and his dog who climb mountains near our home in the White Mountains of NH. And I realized, I have not climbed them. What am I waiting for?

I know. I am waiting for the right time to do it. When I have more time.

And that is where we all go wrong.

We think we will have more time. Someday. We are all just so freaking busy. There is so much to do, so little time. We just can't get things done. The clock is on the wall and on our wrists and lit up on our phones constantly telling us to hurry up, we are almost out of time. The clocks imprison us. We need to be somewhere, doing something. We have no time to waste. Hurry, hurry, hurry.

It is maddening.

And that is why it is time to go outside.

We need to get in touch with our own internal clocks, our own rhythm. We really are one with nature. And the more we remove ourselves from it, the more isolated we feel. More stressed. Not understanding ourselves anymore. Sometimes I think it makes us sick. Physically sick.

We need to take back our lives, our time. We need to own it again, just for a while.
For one day it truly will be gone. We will have run out of time. Our time. For real.

So turn off the phone, the tv, the computer. Take your watch off and look around. It doesn't have to be a mountaintop that you are looking out from. It can be just your own backyard. There is nature there as well. And don't look at what has to be done in your yard. Look instead at what is happening that is just part of nature. Look at how the trees know when to bud and bloom. The flowers now starting to come back up from the earth. Look at the grass getting greener, the birds flying and picking up twigs for a nest. They don't need a clock to know what they need to do.

And neither do we.

We just think we do.

When was the last time you left the drapes and windows open and let the sun awaken you? When was the last time you sat in grass or looked up at clouds or the stars.

I know it will soon be spring. The calender and the clock will tell us. But just go outside and let nature tell you. There are signs of spring all over the place. You just have to take the time to look.

I know that we have to keep track of time. We have jobs and kids and deadlines and responsibilities. But every once in awhile, we need to get back in touch with nature, with ourselves. With life. Real life.

So, just go outside. It is there waiting for you. It is as simple as that.


Be glad of life, because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars; to be satisfied with your possessions, to despise nothing in the world except falsehood αnd meanness and to fear nothing except cowardice; to be governed by your admirations rather than by your disgusts, to covet nothing that is your neighbour's except his kindness of heart αnd gentleness of manners; to think seldom of your enemies, often of your friends and to spend as much time as you can with body and with spirit."
~~~Henry Van Dyke

I only went out for a walk and finally concluded to stay out till sundown, for going out, I found, was really going in.
~~~John Muir

What humbugs we are, who pretend to live for Beauty, and never see the Dawn!
~~~Logan Pearsall Smith




Here is the link to the blog I mentioned, it is excellent:

http://tomandatticus.blogspot.com/

The luxury of complaining about nothing.

I can't complain, but sometimes I still do. ~Joe Walsh

All of us complain about things. Sometimes daily, sometimes several times a day. We complain about the weather, the traffic, our jobs, our kids, our lawns, our dogs. We complain about the price of things, the lousy meal we had last night or how bad our favorite team played. It never seems to end.

Sometimes it seems that we would not have much to say to each other if it weren't for complaining. And it seems to me that some people simply enjoy complaining and it has become one of their favorite pastimes.

What we don't seem to realize is how lucky we are to have the luxury to complain about such trivia.

I see so many people who have a lot to complain about. They are watching a loved one die. They are in pain. The services we lined up didn't go right for some reason. The hospital made a mistake. But the funny thing is, I seldom hear them complain. About anything.

It seems like when we really see how bad things can be, we realize we have nothing to complain about. All those things we thought were so important just simply vanish.

A patient summed it up this way as she looked out her window on a recent snowy, cloud filled day:

"Why did I used to complain about the weather all of the time? Now I am happy just to see another day. I could care less what the weather has in store. I am just glad to be here. But I feel like I wasted so much time complaining about it. Too cold, too hot, too windy, too much snow. Like the world was doing this just to make my life miserable. What I failed to realize was that I was making my own world miserable. I wish I could have those days back. I would never complain again."

There is wisdom in what she said. How many of us make our own life miserable by looking for things to complain about? Perhaps time would be better spent looking for things to rejoice about.

Anyway, pay attention to what you are saying. See if you can catch yourself complaining about nothing. And then, rejoice in the fact that you can.

“Carpe diem! Rejoice while you are alive; enjoy the day; live life to the fullest; make the most of what you have. It is later than you think.”
~~~Horace

I personally think we developed language because of our deep need to complain.
~~~Lily Tomlin

Instead of complaining that the rosebush is full of thorns, be happy that the thorn bush has roses.
~~~Proverb

Growing up in a culture of mean.

The everyday kindness of the back roads more than makes up for the acts of greed in the headlines. ~Charles Kuralt, On the Road With Charles Kuralt


I watch a lot of TV with my almost 12 year old daughter. I like to see what she is watching. Kids learn a lot from TV and other media as well. But mostly TV.

And what I see is a whole lotta mean.

Let's start with SpongeBob Squarepants. A funny enough program. Until my then 5 year old started calling everyone an idiot. She did that because of Squidward. She had no idea what idiot meant, but how bad could it be? I mean, Squidward is saying it, on TV no less.

Fast forward a few years. Now we have TV shows that show parents to be utter morons and way too much reality TV that is far from real. And what do we have? Kids and adults who think that mean is funny.

And I think adults are sometimes worse than the kids, quite honestly.

I just don't get it. We are so afraid of a swear word here and there, but we allow this utter mean nonsense into our lives. And we tivo it for goodness sakes.

Look, I am no goody two shoes. I have said things no child should hear in the car with my daughter listening.

But I am not mean. I do not call people names (well, unless they cut me off in traffic) and I don't make fun of people. I don't belittle people and think that it is funny.

But we are exposed to this daily, sometimes even more frequently. And I think it is the worst thing ever.

Now, I am not saying that anything should be censored. I know people will say that you can just shut those things off and not watch them. Fair enough.

But I think we are too far beyond that. I think we live in a culture of mean. A culture where anything goes. Where manners have disappeared. Where being mean is considered cool. And I think it is sad.

If there was a show on TV that showed respectable kids like Leave it to Beaver or shows I grew up with, they would not last long. I sometimes have my daughter watch old reruns of these shows and she is like, "Can I go now?" And I am sure that if we had had shows like they have today we would have watched them, too. And why not.

But that is all my daughter and her classmates know. This is the culture they are growing up in.

And that is hard to change.

I know there are no answers. No solutions. Not really. I do watch these new shows and suggest to my daughter that they are mean spirited. And she says she knows. That she gets it. But the shows are funny. And "all the kids watch them."

I suppose that is true.

So, how do you survive in a culture of mean?

And I am not simply talking about kids now. I cannot even watch Sunday morning TV anymore as the political pundits are just as mean as some of the characters on Family Guy. Just less funny.

I don't know. I am not sure where this whole thing will go. Perhaps it will go nowhere. Maybe it really won't matter after all. Maybe I am worrying about nothing.

After all, our parents and grandparents lamented when rock and roll came about, and we all turned out okay. So maybe I am just overreacting.

But the thing is, rock and roll did not make me feel bad. But this new culture sure does.

I am not sure it is worth the few laughs it gets. Seems we are all just more miserable than ever. No one is happy and laughing more that I can see.

I guess I just don't get it. Nor do I want to. Not really.

So I will just keep doing the things that make us happy. Like being outdoors, playing and taking care of animals, watching documentary films that they all complain about but like, making art, traveling, seeing art and listening to music. A little here and there sprinkled in our weeks. A bit of softness and love that perhaps will drown out the mean.

Surrounding ourselves with things that feed our soul is the only protection I can think of. Because we can't just turn off the culture we find ourselves in. Not really.

But we don't have to buy into it, either.

Being considerate of others will take your children further in life than any college degree. ~Marian Wright Edelman

Treat everyone with politeness, even those who are rude to you - not because they are nice, but because you are. ~Author Unknown

Don't be yourself - be someone a little nicer. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. ~Dave Barry, "Things That It Took Me 50 Years to Learn"

Sarah McLachlan-Ordinary Miracle

When you wake up everyday

Please don't throw your dreams away

Hold them close to your heart

Cause we are all a part

Of the ordinary miracle...

Happy February Vacation Week.

What's Good About Goodbye / The Promise (I'll Never Say Goodbye) - Nancy...

One of my favorite singers...she died at a young age from uterine cancer.

A beautiful love song for Valentine's Day. Crank it up and dance with the one you love.

And if I never
Leave your arms,
I really would have
Traveled everywhere
For my world
Is there.

When I say always
I mean forever
I trust tomorrow
As much as today
I am not afraid
To say I love you
And I promise you
I'll never say goodbye.

Don't forget to say the words.

Looking back, I have this to regret;
That too often when I loved, I did not say so.
~~~David Grayson


Oh, the unspoken word. I cannot tell you how many times I hear people say that they wish they had told someone that they loved them, or that they were special to them or that they were important in their lives. So many regrets. So much pain that could have been avoided.

I am sure we all have meant to tell at least one person that we loved them and then didn't, and it really was too late. But most likely we still have a chance, we just feel that it is too late. That too much time has gone by or a silly disagreement left us apart for too long.

Or maybe we think it is corny or we are too embarrassed to tell someone how we really feel.

Well, I am here to tell you that it is not too late as long as that someone is breathing. So get over it. Time to put on your big girl panties or your big boy boxers and just get on with it.

Stop procrastinating. Stop making excuses. Stop thinking you have time. You may not. And then you will be filled with regret.

It is simply not worth it.

I have met so many people that will never hear I love you from a mom or a dad, brother or sister, best friend or loving Aunt. This is what the person probably thought; they thought, "Oh, they know that I love them." But then they were gone and the words were not spoken.

And just so that you know, knowing and hearing are different. We want affirmation of love. With words. Repeatedly. Or at least occasionally.

So what better occasion to tell someone you love them than Valentine's day. A perfect day to say the words. Or to write them down in a note and send them. Do not text, do not email. A card is a treasure that one can keep. An email, not so much.

Hug your kids and tell them that you love them; your husband, your wife, your significant other, too. But also call your brother or sister, your mom and dad or that old friend you haven't talked to in awhile. Or send a note that says, "You mean a lot to me, just wanted you to know."

It takes so little time to make someone feel great. Two seconds and a 44 cent stamp.

Really? Really.

So, what are you waiting for?

Here are some ideas:

* Write on a card 14 things you love or admire about your spouse, friend or family member. Fourteen special things for the 14th day of February. People love that. So much better than a store bought verse.

* Look through old forgotten pictures and send one to an old friend or family member. So many of our pictures sit forgotten on shelves or in boxes. Someone would really enjoy an old memory.

* Make a memory scrapbook for Valentine's day, or any special day for that matter. (We do Christmas). Put pics and cards and write what you did. Add photos. Just a page. Just tape them in or buy a clear plastic pocket folder insert. Not a big time commitment. But each year when you look back you will be glad that you did because we forget so much.

* Okay, flowers are easy because you don't have to do anything but spend money. So do it. Everyone loves flowers. Just send a handwritten note with them.

* Buy a card or make one. Or write a poem down on a pretty piece of paper. What ever. But do something. No one will remember the card so much as the fact that they didn't get one.

The point is to do something. Valentine's Day may not be as important as Christmas or Easter or Passover, but it is the universal day of love. And we all have someone that we love.

So tell them. They want to know. They would love to know.

I promise, you won't regret it.

Kenny Chesney - The Good Stuff

Do broken hearts mend?

Where do you start?
How do you separate the present from the past.
How do you deal with all the things you thought would last,
That didn't last.
With bits of memories scattered here and there,
I look around and don't know where to start.

I see a lot of heartbreak in my job. Spouses married for decades losing the love of their life. Newly married couples stunned to find out they have just months left after searching years for one another. Lovers separated by years and miles who found each other in their golden years, hoping to grow old together, but certainly won't.

It is sad and unending, but somehow still shocking and surprising.

I guess I have been thinking a lot about love since we are in that month of love, February. Valentine's day. All those shiny hearts hanging everywhere. But these hearts that I see will surely be broken.

And I wonder. For good?

I know lots of people who have suffered broken hearts along the way, myself included. But we grew up and moved on and found new loves or new interests and the wound somehow healed. There may be a flicker of pain occasionally, but it dissipates readily.

But these wounds are different. Lives that are certainly intertwined now coming apart. Memories that seem to have only each other now becoming painful instead of sweet.

Lives built. Houses filled. Homes made. Families raised. Two people who have hung on for dear life and survived intact after bitter disappointment. Two people who have celebrated milestones. Two people who really only know life with one another. A life they lived for so long. One that they thought would never end.

So how do you mend a heart when your whole life goes away?

I have three couples who have been together decades that I am currently taking care of; an elderly gentleman and his lovely wife, a younger unmarried couple in their forties and another long time married duo in their 60's. Each has a spouse or significant other dying from a nasty cancer.

They talk to me a lot about things they used to do before the illness. Most don't want the illness to define their marriage or their relationship. They show me paintings and projects, work being done on their house, pictures of kids and grandkids. They talk of trips they hope to somehow still take, birthdays coming up, how they hope to return "to normal" once again. But there will never be a normal again. Just a new normal. A new reality.

They try to be strong. But they are holding on tight to the life they once had. So afraid to let go. They tell me they don't know what to do. They haven't even made funeral plans. They can't think about it. They cry. They become silent. They look down at their hands. They seem lost.

I never say anything then. I just let them talk. I allow them their silence. I know that nothing I will say will make it any better. They know that I know how this will all end.

But what I don't know is, how will it all begin again. How will their heart feel a day, a week, two years from now. I know that everyone grieves differently. Some soldier on and others collapse and hide. But no one really knows what goes on inside another's heart.

So I guess there is no real answer to the question of a broken heart. I suppose we will all find out when we get there. So we will just keep loving and living until that happens.

The quote I started with is a song about a life coming apart, who knows why. It talks about how you cannot separate the present from the past, how you never really move on completely. How the heart never really mends and never really forgets. It doesn't say that you are sad. It just says the heart remembers, so that seems right to me. That a piece of everyone we have ever really loved stays with us always.

And that is a comforting thought. That is what makes love so worth it. Our hearts are strong and will survive, wounds and all.

The song ends like this;

One day there'll be a song
or something in the air again.
To catch me by surprise and you'll be there again,
A moment in,
What might have been.
Where do you start.
Do you allow yourself a little time to cry.
Or do you close your eyes and kiss it all goodbye.
I guess you try.
And though I don't know where and don't know when
I'll find myself in love again
I promise there will always be
A little place no one will see
A tiny part within my heart
That stays in love with you.

Happy Valentine's Day.